Happy New Laws

With each new calendar year come a slew of new laws regulating an already over-legislated populace. Last year I incurred the wrath of more than a few readers by merely mentioning a handful of the thousands of new laws that had just been enacted. So heck, let’s have some fun and do it again. With more than 800 new laws taking effect in California alone, it ought to be a wild ride. Ready?

Beginning this month, health insurers, pharmaceutical companies and medical device manufacturers (think pacemakers, stents, artificial hips, knees, etc.) across the country will pay an additional 2.3 percent tax on their sales, expected to total $1.7 billion this year alone. How many of those dollars do you think will get passed right along to the American consumer? You got it. Which, ironically, may increase the sales of pacemakers. And in a related development, the state of Illinois has a new 2013 law requiring middle-schoolers to learn how to use a defibrillator. Coincidence?

Here in the Golden state, drivers can now apply for “legacy license plates” – California plates like they made decades ago. Maybe if I drove a ’65 Mustang or ’55 Nomad, but I’m not sure why anyone would want an old all-blue or black plate with yellow lettering on their late model car. Oh, and it’ll cost you an extra $50 for the retro-privilege. Talk about getting rear-ended.

Unbelievably, foolishly, Californians can now legally text and drive – provided we use a “voice-activated” smart phone to do it. This just proves that the lobbyists for the mobile phone industry are at least as powerful as the ones for the NRA. And I would bet that more people die from the wireless phone lobby efforts than those of the NRA. Maybe we should outlaw phones with high-capacity batteries.

Another new law aimed at California drivers allows our CHP to issue “silver alerts” to alert motorists when senior citizens go missing. Not kidding.

One state law for 2013 raises registration fees for all California boat owners, ostensibly to fight the infestation of Quagga and Zebra mussels in our state’s lakes and waterways. Being the proud skipper of an ancient 14-foot aluminum boat that gets its hull wet maybe twice in a good fishing year, I’m not happy about having to pay more to the state for the privilege. I don’t even eat mussels, much less let them stowaway on my boat.

Lest you think California has a lock on strange new laws, however, read on.

In Kentucky, you can no longer release feral hogs into the wild. In Illinois, you can’t pop a wheelie while speeding on your motorcycle. (But is it okay to pop a wheelie while riding a wild pig?)

Although I shudder to even imagine why such a law is necessary, as of last week it’s illegal in Illinois to make whoopee with a dead person. Seriously. In Kansas, a new law limits each household to no more than four cats each. In North Carolina, stealing any unused cooking oil worth more than $1,000 is now a felony. And it’s about time.

In Concord, Massachusetts, the sale of plastic bottles is now illegal. Yes, plastic bottles. (Sacramento Democrats must be drooling with legislative envy.) In New York, minors can no longer purchase electric cigarettes and I’ll bet the entire state is breathing a sigh of relief. In Florida, it’s no longer against the law to warn other drivers of a police speed trap ahead by flashing your headlights. All those Florida retirees speeding to their early dinners to get the senior rate must love this new law. And last but certainly not least, convicted sex offenders in Illinois (what ‘s going on in Illinois, anyway?) can no longer get a job as a Santa, pass out Halloween candy or even dress up as the Easter Bunny.

I already feel a whole lot safer this year, don’t you? I’ll see you ‘round town.

There Ought To Be A Law (Against More Laws)

It’s time to ring in the New Year and wring the necks of our state politicians who continue with increasing arrogance and aggression to intrude into – and affect the lives of – all Californians, from kids to seniors, business owners to students, parents to pets. Among the whopping 760 new laws that went into effect at 12:01 a.m. last Sunday morning, are the following:

The new California Human Trafficking Law mandates the disclosure of efforts California companies take to eradicate slavery and human trafficking from their entire supply chains. Seriously? However good-intentioned a law might be, I can’t help but wonder if one of the reasons over 2500 businesses representing more than 109,000 jobs have left California (according to the OC Register) in the past four years is because our state legislators never met a regulation they didn’t like.

The California Gay Bullying Law (Seth’s Law) requires school districts to have a uniform process for dealing with gay bullying complaints and mandates that school personnel intervene if they witness gay bullying. Or what? Huh, tough guys? Is gay bullying any worse than straight bullying? Fat kid bullying? Nerd bullying? Short bullying? What about bullying by constituent-pandering politicians?

The LGBT Equality and Equal Access in Higher Education Law requires state colleges and universities to create and enforce campus policies that protect LGBTs from harassment and to appoint employee contact persons to address on-campus LGBT matters. Yep, that oughta lower the cost of a college education.

The California Gay History Law mandates that school textbooks and social studies include gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender accomplishments and bans teaching materials that reflect negatively on gays or specific religions (Christianity excluded, of course.)

Judicial Applicant and Appointment Demographics Inclusion Law mandates gender identity and sexual orientation of potential judges into the state’s Judicial Applicant Date Report (say what?) to ensure more diversity in our state courts. Yep, that’s definitely what’s wrong with the California court system.

The Transgender Vital Statistics Law makes it easier for transgender Californians to get a court petition to change their gender on official documents and the Domestic Partnership Equality Law “corrects” inequalities between domestic partnerships and heterosexual marriages. Well, of course it does.

Another new law requires businesses with dress codes to provide workers leeway to dress according to their own gender identity. It’s a wonder there are any businesses here at all.

Lest you think our public servants in Sacramento are obsessed with all things gay, lesbian and transgendered – they’ve also enacted new laws for 2012 that mandate the use of car seats for kids until they are 8 years old (up from 6) or are 4’ 9” and/or weigh 60 pounds. (Confused yet?) I’d bet there have already been some nasty fights this week between parents and 6- or 7-year-olds who have to be strapped into a car seat once again. And to think my generation somehow survived childhood riding in family cars with slippery vinyl bench seats, hard steel dashboards and no seatbelts.

Also courtesy of our state government, as of last Sunday minors in California are no longer able to buy Robitussin cough syrup or use a tanning bed, but – wait for it – girls and boys as young as 12 can now receive preventive treatment for sexually transmitted diseases without parental consent. Oh yeah, and anyone can now purchase syringes over the counter without a prescription. So, in other words, kids – sex and drugs are just dandy but don’t you DARE get a tan or a cough. What passes for wisdom today is both mind numbing and soul deadening.

There are, unfortunately, many hundreds more new laws for 2012 that further control daily life and commerce here in California. If you’re as frightened with the growth of government and its increasing power over every aspect of our lives, our livings and even our very thoughts – I hope to see you in a voting booth this November. And until then, I’ll see you ‘round town.

Note: This is a post of my column first published yesterday, 1.5.12, in the Crescenta Valley Weekly newspaper (cvweekly.com).

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