Jesus vs. the Zombie Bunnies

I don’t shock easily. Years ago, I could stand on the sidewalk in front of Monte Vista elementary school waiting for our kids and my grimaces and eye rolling were barely noticeable as I listened to the bleep-worthy language of some of their irrepressible young school mates.

Today, I can stumble across the latest online music/video assault by Cee Lo Green or Nicki Minaj and when I think about how many teens wallow in such classless, soul-polluting sludge – I don’t get mad, just terribly sad. But I haven’t doused a computer monitor with toilet bowl cleaner in a long time.  

That said, I was caught completely off guard last week when my wife and I were shopping at Target in Pasadena. Browsing one of their racks of Easter greeting cards hoping to find something to send to our out-of-town kids and grandkids, my gaze came to a screeching stop on a card that almost certainly was put in the wrong section.

The card showed two female cartoon eggs at a bar. “It seems like all the good ones are either married or gay,” said the blond egg to the redhead. Inside, the payoff read, “Oh well, happy Easter, anyway.” Yep, nothing says Easter like two pickled eggs on the prowl for a good man/egg. 

Standing with my mouth agape, I suddenly realized that there wasn’t just one inappropriate card, but an assortment of outrageously irreverent cards with a similarly sick take on Easter.

For example, next to the card with the two hardboiled eggs was one with a photo of a fuzzy, newborn chick on the front under the caption, “It’s Easter. WTF?” Honestly. Even in the deepest recesses of my mind, I never ever expected to see “Easter” in the same sentence with “WTF.” I mean, seriously. How did we get here?

It gets worse. Another card had a photo of two contemporary 20-something women flashing their best phony smiles at the camera. The caption bubble over one of the women said, “Can you believe my new Easter dress is a size 2?” On the inside, her girlfriend answers with one-word: the “B” word.

Yet another card featured a cartoon of a maniacal rabbit with blood-red eyes and a headline that screamed, “It’s the Zombie Bunny!” Touching. Next to this was a card with a big, bold font that simply read, “Cluck you.” How very special. Thanks so much for thinking of me at this special time of year.

I’d seen enough. The rest of our shopping trip I wandered behind my wife in an irritated daze. Days later, it’s still on my mind. I mean, they actually did it. They took the one last vestige of sanctity and holiness and dumped a big ol’ shovel full of faith-mocking mud on it. I don’t know whether these cards was created out of a disdain for Christianity, an ignorance of Easter or simply to sell cards. More importantly, I wonder who would buy such a crass slap at the sacred? And, for the love of God (pun not intended), who would want to receive such a thing? I just don’t get it.

Then again, our culture has increasingly become one where some folks become equally offended at the mere mention of the true meaning of Easter – that of the historical death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Son of God and Savior of humankind. His redeeming sacrifice and ultimate triumph over the grave is the entire point and purpose of the Easter celebration. Not chocolate bunnies. Not hunting for colorful eggs. Not feasting on spiral-cut hams. Not even tasteless greeting cards.

Now, I’ll certainly enjoy my ham (and maybe a tiny piece of chocolate – or two) and fellowship with family this Sunday. But lest you receive a card featuring zombie bunnies or foul-mouthed fowls and wonder what the celebration is really about, I wish you a very happy Easter. He is risen! He is risen, indeed!

I’ll see you ‘round town.

Note: This is a repost of my column first published yesterday, 4.5.12, in the Crescenta Valley Weekly newspaper.

© 2012 WordChaser, Inc.

A Time of Wonders

Increasingly, we’re living in a land of wonders. I submit for your consideration:

I wonder … if anyone else finds it unbelievable that the California Department of Health Services has just made it possible for boys ( “boys” being the operative word here) as young as 12 to order condoms – free of charge, mind you – by mail or online? Because, as every progressive adult knows, lack of access to free condoms is the problem with today’s youth.

I wonder … now that Alaska Airlines has ended their 30 year tradition of including a small prayer card with passengers’ in-flight meals, if they will react as decisively to the deluge of letters management has reportedly received from customers who are offended and saddened by the removal of the cards? Apparently, a small number of travelers had complained that their right to “separation of religion and travel” was being violated. I’m not kidding. Maybe Alaska Air should go completely “PC” and place a condom on every tray so passengers can practice safe flying.  

I wonder … if advances in television technology are contributing to the problem of obesity today? Think about it – as TVs have gotten slimmer, people have gotten fatter. Coincidence?

I wonder … why dog owners have been so effectively trained to carry plastic bags to pick up their pooches’ poops, but the same courtesy hasn’t yet caught on with owners of horses? Granted, equestrians would need to strap rolls of Hefty bags to their saddles to clean up after their steeds, but I for one would certainly appreciate the gesture. Last Saturday on an otherwise wonderful bike ride in, around and through the Southern California neighborhoods of La Canada, South Pasadena and Altadena, pedaling near the landmark Devil’s Gate Dam recreational area required some rather artful dodging around many massive mounds of aromatic and well-used hay. Talk about your road (apple) hazards.  

I wonder … if the moral termites in the programming department at ABC Television would be so quick to green light a series with the title of  “GJB” or “GMB” as they have their latest anti-Christian comedy; “GCB”? Note to the entertainment industry: we’d be slightly more receptive to your laughable claims of diversity, enlightenment and tolerance when your shows equally mock and/or ridicule Muslims, Jews, Hindus and, oh yeah … Democrats. (Now THAT would really be a dangerous and edgy move!) This might come as a huge surprise to the entertainment industry elite in their insular and self-congratulating worlds, but it ain’t bold, creative or even remotely original to routinely slander and malign Christians and/or conservatives. Frankly, your brand of Christophobia is easy and expected. Come on, kids. Lift the lids just a teeny bit on those supposedly open minds of yours and try something new. Please.

I wonder … if I’m the only one who shops for greeting cards, chooses exactly the right one out of hundreds of options, and then wastes a ton of time trying to remember where I found that card because for some reason I think only the envelopes in THAT slot will fit my card. As if 99.9% of the other cards and envelopes right in front of me aren’t the same size!?!?  I always feel like such a ditz when it dawns on me that any envelope of any color will fit the card in my hand and I’ve just totally wasted ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

I wonder … if all Prius vehicles make that odd sound as they drive by – you know the one that sounds like someone laughing their head off? I usually hear it when I’m standing by the side of my truck at the gas station and watching the total on the pump roll past three figures. Sometimes I have a hard time hearing the strange laughing-Prius sound over my own sobbing, but I’m pretty sure it’s happening.

See what I mean? Wonders all around us. I’ll see you ‘round town.

Note: This is a post of my column first published yesterday, 3.1.12, in the Crescenta Valley Weekly newspaper (cvweekly.com).

© 2012 WordChaser, Inc.