The Sacking of Another Liberty

Last week I wrote about the post-Independence Day shock I received when coming face-to-face with the latest in a long streak of over-regulation courtesy of the fine folks in Glendale City government. Namely, that as of July 1, retailers in the Jewel City are no longer allowed to provide plastic bags to customers.

That this new ordinance went into effect a mere three days away from Independence Day, the day America celebrates its freedom from tyranny and op

pression, only made the news even more frustrating.

I’m old enough to remember when grocery stores began making the switch from traditional paper bags (the kind we made school book covers from) to ridiculously thin plastic ones. At first, checkers would offer a choice, thus giving birth to the cliché, “paper or plastic?” Eventually, plastic was the default option, requiring shoppers who preferred the sturdier paper bags to ask for them. But I always had the feeling that if you asked for paper, somewhere in a remote Sierra Club outpost a red light and klaxon would sound the alarm. Even so, I always secretly admired customers who showed their capitalistic chutzpa by requesting a paper bag inside of a plastic bag for their groceries; aka “double bagging.” Boo ya and take that, you environmental Gestapos!

So now that plastic bags are verboten, why can’t stores just go back to giving us paper bags like they all did once-upon-a-better-country? I suspect it’s because this new reality provides an opportunity to turn bags into yet another profit center – by either selling reusable cloth bags, or charging for the paper version. Ah, but here’s the problem; Google “unsanitary reusable grocery bags” and you’ll be horrified at the hundreds of available articles discussing how filthy and unsafe reusable cloth grocery bags can be if not WASHED AFTER EACH USE. Seriously? And how much water and energy will that waste?

Don’t you just know that eventually there will be a law requiring that only government-approved, sanitized reusable bags be allowed into stores? All it will take is for one child to become deathly ill from e-coli courtesy of the T-bone steak his mommy brought home in her environmentalist-approved, earth-friendly, all-natural free-trade fabric, reusable bag, printed with soy-based ink and handmade by living-wage-earning third world indigenous peoples working for a start-up company made possible by a micro-loan from a progressive activist foundation in Marin County. A bag crawling with bacteria and other assorted pathogens. Yummo!

On the other hand, I’m sure some enterprising entrepreneur is already working on disposable liners to solve the health concerns endemic with reusable bags. Oh wait, these would probably look almost exactly like ... plastic bags. Never mind.

Being in advertising, I also can’t help but wonder how store managers like seeing bags with competitors’ logos parading out from their stores all day long. So, here’s a suggestion, supermarketers: why not offer frequent shopper/rewards club members free reusable bags with your store branding? You’ve already pestered us into signing up for these clubs. So reward us, already. Give us something useful, like a half dozen or so free reusable bags. It would sure beat getting a nickel off a tub of low-fat cottage cheese on Fridays.

In the meantime, I for one will try to shop whenever possible only at stores (there are still a few locally) who provide free paper bags. Just like the good ol’ days.

One last thought: as I finish this column, one of the top Southern California news stories is about the determined efforts of an elite group of do-gooders to have cement fire rings removed from all beaches in Los Angeles and Orange Counties. The fire pits have been a tradition for generations of beach-going Californians and tourists and have been one of most treasured So Cal experiences. But a tiny group of nattering nanny types want to take away this privilege used by so many in the pursuit of an admittedly imperceptible improvement in air quality. Shame on them. What they’re trying to do is worthy of being scooped up in a plastic bag.

I’ll see you ‘round town.

Speaking Up For Service Clubs

Last week I had the unique pleasure of being the guest speaker at the Tuesday night meeting of the Jewel City Kiwanis Club (I’m not sure why, but “Jewel City” is the nickname of Glendale, CA).

I have to admit, for all my many years on the planet, my knowledge of what happens at a Kiwanis meeting was almost nil. Sure, I have been aware of the Kiwanis name – you can’t drive into town anywhere in this great land without seeing a little Kiwanis plaque on that ubiquitous “Welcome to …” sign at the town line of almost every berg in America.

As the assembled Kiwanis members quickly discovered, I’m a writer, not a public speaker. Thankfully, proper decorum ruled the evening and no food was thrown.

I had been asked to speak on any topic that I chose, so long as it wasn’t awkwardly political in nature (Unfortunately, ANY political discussion amongst today’s highly polarized public quickly turns awkward) and – because several of the members present were regular readers of my newspaper column – I spoke to the group about the writing life. (Cue the crickets sound effect.)  

Hopefully, I was able to give this exceptionally welcoming bunch some insight into the life of a freelance writer and specifically, how I write this column each week, where I get my subject matter (out of thin air, mostly) and other mildly interesting topics.

Whatever knowledge I was able to impart to the gathering at Clancy’s Crab Broiler last Tuesday evening was more than overshadowed by what I learned about the Jewel City Kiwanis themselves. This group of local business people is as diverse as it is friendly. They get together once a week to have a good time, certainly, but most importantly, to provide various kinds of help for others in our community.

Waiting for my turn at the lectern, I got to thinking about the many good things service clubs like the Kiwanis have done over the years. Through its numerous fundraising events (not the least of which is the almost nonstop gleaning of dollar bills, fives and even a few twenties from each others’ wallets during the meeting) the club raises money to help support local groups including the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, YMCA, YWCA, CV ROTC, CVHS Cheerleaders, the Glendale Little League and many others. I’ve been told that the Kiwanis’ customized cooking/BBQ trailer is a familiar site at Glendale’s popular Cruise Nights and other local events.

Unfortunately, as one Kiwanis member explained to me during the evening, their club – like so many others across the country – is experiencing a “graying” of its membership. As older members leave town (or the planet, for that matter), there are fewer and fewer younger people waiting to take their place. I’m afraid that’s more a reflection on our changing cultural attitudes than it is on the value of service clubs.

In his groundbreaking book, “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community” (Simon & Schuster), Harvard Professor Robert D. Putnam distills data drawn from almost 500,000 interviews conducted over 25 years that points to how our society has become increasingly disconnected from family, friends and neighbors. Changes in work, family structure, suburban life, television watching, internet use and other factors have contributed to this disconnection.

Among other disruptive societal trends, Putnam uncovered a 58% drop in attendance of club meetings. That’s too bad, because Putnam also cites research that indicates joining and participating in just one group can slash the odds of a person dying within the next year by 50 percent. Hmmm. I wonder if my horror & fantasy book club membership would count towards a longer life? Probably not.

My thanks once again to the members of the Jewel City Kiwanis for inviting me (it took a few times but I finally accepted!) to speak at their weekly meeting and for being such gracious and welcoming hosts. Oh, and thanks to Clancy’s for making an excellent bowl of clam chowder.

Meeting adjourned. I’ll see you ‘round town.

Note: This is a slightly edited version of my column first published yesterday, 7.21.11 in the Crescenta Valley Weekly newspaper (cvweekly.com).

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