Friday, December 21, 2012

Decked By My Own Halls

Maybe I can blame it on bad eggnog, but the other night I dreamed that I bumped into Dr. Seuss and Clement Clarke Moore while we were all searching for Christmas lights at OSH. (they were sold out, of course). For some reason, the three of us got to kvetching about the holidays. When I awoke from my slumber, the poem that follows was scribbled on the notepad on my nightstand. Yeah, that was some funky eggnog:

 

Deck the (Empty Nester) Halls

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when I said to my spouse

“It’s probably time to start decorating the house.”

“Ya think?” she exclaimed with a roll of her eyes

And then walked away while exhaling loud sighs.


Our neighbors had all done their homes weeks before

With lights on their shingles and wreaths on their door

Inflatable snowmen stood poised on their lawns

But passing our house produced nothing but yawns.


It’s not that I don’t want to join in the fun

And I certainly love the whole look when it’s done

But the boxes and crates and assorted gewgaws

All the lights and the garland – it gives me such pause.


I can’t climb a ladder with speed like I used to

And hanging from rooftops? Well, why would I choose to?

Our kids are all grown, it’s just me and my mate

This old empty nest is one great big blank slate.


And here’s something else that is no longer fun

Those new LED lights that are bright as the sun

They use much less power and help save the planet

But the glow they emit is as stone cold as granite.


So we scrounged and we hunted like highly trained canines

‘Til we found enough strings of the old-school type C-9s

We hung them all up and we turned them all on

And I have to admit, my reluctance was gone.


Then out on the street, there arose such a clatter

I ran (okay, walked) down the driveway to see what was the matter

Our mailbox was bursting, its door off its hinges

The mailman was there with his face full of twinges


He had mountains of catalogs stashed in his pack

With a gruff, Grinchy voice he intoned, “Oh, my back!”

He was sweating profusely and starting to quiver.

It was sad the poor soul had so much to deliver


But I thanked him and wished him a world of good cheer

(Though I’m sure he would rather I gave him a beer!)

Then I went up the driveway and back to our house

To finish my chores and make happy the spouse


Once the house was aglow and my wife, she was too

Our progress was good, but we’d still lots to do.

There was fudge to be fudged and eggnog to be spicing

And cookies to bake and then painted with icing.


We trimmed up our tree with ornaments so shiny

Was it festive and cheery? Oh, you bet your hiney!

We wrapped enough presents to fill up a sleigh

Then hung up our stockings and called it a day.


We were tired and sore and I needed a nap

When there came at the window a soft tap, tap, tap!

I looked up and saw him, that Jolly Old Saint

With his snowy white beard and his costume so quaint.


He gestured at all of our trappings outside

Then flashed a “thumbs up” and got back in his ride

Ol’ Rudolph and company then put it in gear

And took to the sky that was so cold and clear


I was feeling quite good (for one who is older)

When Santa turned back and looked over his shoulder

Then I heard him exclaim, as he turned back around

Merry Christmas to all, and I’ll see you ‘round town!

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